Transitions
Transitions – Rees
“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.”
Just A Church Girl
From young it’s always been about fitting in. And as much as we all try to deny it, it’s true, you don’t fit in unless you dress, & walk, & talk & act like everyone else. We try so hard to satisfy the needs of people we don’t even like, we spend precious, time over thinking situations that don’t even matter; we modify, adjust, alter & re-create ourselves so we are almost identical to the individuals who may not even know we exist. And if I’m being completely honest, even after reading so many other inspiring blogs on Edmodo, I still feel like I couldn’t relate to any of them because, well, I’m not them, I’m not in their situation, and most of all, I probably wont ever experience what they experience which is hard when trying to steal someone else’s blog.
“We don’t want people to have expectations of us, but then we have expectations of everyone else”
I can say I gave in. I liked being labelled or being given a label that determined popularity or ‘our place in society’. I can wave my hand around and confess that I craved to be ‘that girl’ and I wanted to wear ‘those clothes’ and I desired to talk ‘like that’; but you cannot pretend to be something you’re not for so long, because eventually, you will gaze in the mirror and ask yourself if you’re even pretending still. Religion wasn’t seen as ‘cool’ or as trendy as the latest shoes and so God was just for church and home. I wanted everyone else to expect nothing of me but the expectations that I had of everyone else was absurd. Lauryn Hill said those words with no idea of how much a 17 year old girl could relate.
I wasn’t always 17 though, once upon a time, I was 12 and everything was fascinating and innovative. In this phase of my life, an innocent little girl was dramatically changed when a demanding society told her that she wasn’t fitting in so she had to do something about it. Cussing became my favourite kind of language; spitting F words in any and all conversations, my middle finger adored standing out, standing up and saluting everyone, and God, pfft, God was just another failed relationship. Physical and spiritual relationships all ended because they didn’t meet my expectations. I couldn’t bow down to he who gave me all that I have but I could drop dead for Nicki Minaj and Ed Sheeran. I hated anyone who didn’t like what I liked, I rejected any thoughts of originality and individuality because staying away from society’s norm was just to scary; and religion was also just gum on the bottom of my shoe. But after school or when I was away from friends, religion was all I knew and God was my only friend. Although I denied it countless times in front of my friends just to be cool or avoided the topic of religion all the time, deep inside I knew that my mask would eventually fall off.
Lauryn Hill has been my voice for the past 16 years, she made my thoughts famous, she said the words that I could never manage spit out. This phase of my life allowed me to explore the cruel world, it helped me grow and transform into someone who know a little too much about life. I could never get back the years of innocence that were crushed in the palm of society’s hand but I can take it as a lesson. I can’t say that cussing has been entirely washed out of my mouth, or my middle finger doesn’t stand up every now and then but I’ve reached a point in my life where, originality, individuality and being yourself is trendy. Other peoples opinion will forever be, just their opinion… It take years of confronting and challenging transitions to create someone into who they are and If it means that I will be labelled as ‘Just a church Girl’ than Just a Church Girl it is.
“The most daring thing is to be yourself and to do exactly what you want to do at that point in time and not to be worried with what others are doing and what’s popular”
-Wiz Khalifa
18/11/2017
It has been over 2 years since I first wrote this piece for a high school project and my oh my am I truly impressed with myself. I don't mean to toot my own horn but I have so much pride for my 17 year old self for being so honest and bold.
Now 19, a lot has changed and a lot remains the same. Entering the work force and adult hood was enough to scare me but that is life isn't is? As adults we are always in an atmosphere that has the ability to change us. 19 is that awkward age where some of your friends are now having kids and getting married, where as others haven't even entered the workforce.
In the past two year, change would be an understatement of what has been going on. I have found that my personality is now being created as opposed to "found". I once thought that the opinions of the people around me matter (and to a certain extent, they do), but now, I find myself disregarding the irrelevant and brushing off stress. Above all, the most essential thing in life, is to just try and be yourself. Don't get lost in the crowd. See you in another 2 years
p.s - I'm still "just a church girl", just with a bit more attitude
cya x
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For the latest blogs, follow the links below
Heads or Tails Uce
; My personal input regarding a conversation I overheard about Polynesian Females !
Grind how you Grind
; Everything to do with Polynesians in the workforce
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