Good Bye 2019
As we draw near to the end of 2019, I want to recap on the past year. Things that I have learnt, experiences that I have had, moments unforgettable. I find that writing about the year I have had allows me to revisit a previous version of myself many years later.
2019 was a big year for me. Life changing. In all honesty, I did not expect this year to be anything great but God works in mysterious ways. The easiest way for me to lay out the year I had, I will list months and events that I feel are worthy of mentioning, the good the bad, the ugly.
January 2019 - In early January, my cousins and siblings went on an unplanned trip to Wollongong Beach in the middle of the night. Literally, I finished work at 11pm and then we made our way. All packed into the 12 seater van off to explore the mountainous terrain of Wollongong. Later that month, I made an annual visit to the homelands Samoa. A few blissful days with my family there. Nights with my grandma. I returned from Samoa to the news of my younger cousin passing away. Not the most ideal way to kick start my 2019. Immediately, I thought that this year would be nothing but bad news. Who even starts a year with a funeral. Apparently me. I will forever be grateful for the moment just earlier that I got to spend with them. It was the first time in a long time my family were closer than ever. In some ways, my heart is at ease knowing that nothing went un-said or un-done between our family.
February and March flew by faster than I could remember. Everyone in my family was still visibly shaken from the recent tragedy, each with a different coping mechanism. I used those months to distract myself by planning a 21st Birthday, visiting my birthday venue and paying the deposit. March we celebrated my brothers birthday and we all gathered as one happy family. Never failing to mention that our late cousin would have loved this family time.
April came strolling around the corner and I had a beautiful all white 21st Birthday party filled with all my loved ones. Hosted by Cindy of Samoa, located and catered by the Panorama House in Bulli Heights. Dance groups and event specialists all in play. Hand picked bakers in line. Late April my siblings, cousins & I ventured off again on a 4 day holiday to Port Macquarie. The long drive there and long drive back with my closest family members right beside me. We ate, laughed, sometimes cried, and sang together. There were millions of moments were we spoke about how our late cousin would have loved to be with us.The days shun brighter than ever and the nights were cool. I spent moments by the lake alone just thinking of how grateful I was. I needed this short get away, and as i puffed on the last bit on my joint, I made my mind up when it came to my job. Later April, after two long years, I handed in my resignation and began working in St Leonard's head office, preparing for my move into my next role located 3 hours away.
May is when the most drastic change of my life occurred. In a Mazda tribute, I packed my things and headed off to Bathurst where I would call home. The modern houses and shopping centers were replaced with fields of grass, cows, horses, and sheep. The air was fresh and crisp to the nostril and the population... low. I moved into the hotel that I worked for and continued to do 12 - 14 hour days, training, working, teaching, crying, guiding. Woke up early, walked down stairs for work. Took my lunch break, walk back up to my room. Finished my lunch break, waddle down to work. Finish work and ... yep, walked back up to my room.
June is when I took a leap of faith and decided to get my own place. A cute 2 bedroom apartment only 2 minutes away from work.
I used July, August and September to fill my house with furniture. Create a routine for myself. Navigating the streets of Bathurst to make myself familiar. Every night, I woke up alone, had breakfast alone, cooked and ate dinner alone, and then went to be... you guessed it, Alone.
October finally grew upon me and my best friend managed to convince me to go to our Best friend's birthday celebrations in Bali. Early and mid October we spent planning outfits and learning the streets. Reading online reviews and paying off accommodation and flights. Late october into
November, we travelling to Bali. Spent 10 blissful days filled with sun, laughter and Bintang. I travelled in a group of 11 of us and no words will ever be able to describe how I came back feeling. If I had to chose one word, it would be "Whole". The rest of November I spent getting back into the groove of work. Knuckling down and preparing for the December.
December. It feels like just yesterday that I was celebrating my 21st Birthday. It felt like last week I was running busy errands for my late cousin. It feels like last month, I was in Samoa laying in the sitting room with my grandma.
Even with these summaries of my months, nothing can ever explain the feelings that I felt in each moments. I made friends, lost friends. I have experienced things with people that I did not expect to. Some friendships began to blossom whilst others withered away. Among all this change and the chaos that goes on in my life, the only thing to remain the same, is God. I sit here as a testimony of God's power. Even when I think that i have reached the max of God's love, he continues to set out 12 months for me to grow, to learn, and to love.
2019 has been a life changing year for me. And it makes more excited to see what God has install for me next year!
2019 was a big year for me. Life changing. In all honesty, I did not expect this year to be anything great but God works in mysterious ways. The easiest way for me to lay out the year I had, I will list months and events that I feel are worthy of mentioning, the good the bad, the ugly.
January 2019 - In early January, my cousins and siblings went on an unplanned trip to Wollongong Beach in the middle of the night. Literally, I finished work at 11pm and then we made our way. All packed into the 12 seater van off to explore the mountainous terrain of Wollongong. Later that month, I made an annual visit to the homelands Samoa. A few blissful days with my family there. Nights with my grandma. I returned from Samoa to the news of my younger cousin passing away. Not the most ideal way to kick start my 2019. Immediately, I thought that this year would be nothing but bad news. Who even starts a year with a funeral. Apparently me. I will forever be grateful for the moment just earlier that I got to spend with them. It was the first time in a long time my family were closer than ever. In some ways, my heart is at ease knowing that nothing went un-said or un-done between our family.
February and March flew by faster than I could remember. Everyone in my family was still visibly shaken from the recent tragedy, each with a different coping mechanism. I used those months to distract myself by planning a 21st Birthday, visiting my birthday venue and paying the deposit. March we celebrated my brothers birthday and we all gathered as one happy family. Never failing to mention that our late cousin would have loved this family time.
April came strolling around the corner and I had a beautiful all white 21st Birthday party filled with all my loved ones. Hosted by Cindy of Samoa, located and catered by the Panorama House in Bulli Heights. Dance groups and event specialists all in play. Hand picked bakers in line. Late April my siblings, cousins & I ventured off again on a 4 day holiday to Port Macquarie. The long drive there and long drive back with my closest family members right beside me. We ate, laughed, sometimes cried, and sang together. There were millions of moments were we spoke about how our late cousin would have loved to be with us.The days shun brighter than ever and the nights were cool. I spent moments by the lake alone just thinking of how grateful I was. I needed this short get away, and as i puffed on the last bit on my joint, I made my mind up when it came to my job. Later April, after two long years, I handed in my resignation and began working in St Leonard's head office, preparing for my move into my next role located 3 hours away.
May is when the most drastic change of my life occurred. In a Mazda tribute, I packed my things and headed off to Bathurst where I would call home. The modern houses and shopping centers were replaced with fields of grass, cows, horses, and sheep. The air was fresh and crisp to the nostril and the population... low. I moved into the hotel that I worked for and continued to do 12 - 14 hour days, training, working, teaching, crying, guiding. Woke up early, walked down stairs for work. Took my lunch break, walk back up to my room. Finished my lunch break, waddle down to work. Finish work and ... yep, walked back up to my room.
June is when I took a leap of faith and decided to get my own place. A cute 2 bedroom apartment only 2 minutes away from work.
I used July, August and September to fill my house with furniture. Create a routine for myself. Navigating the streets of Bathurst to make myself familiar. Every night, I woke up alone, had breakfast alone, cooked and ate dinner alone, and then went to be... you guessed it, Alone.
October finally grew upon me and my best friend managed to convince me to go to our Best friend's birthday celebrations in Bali. Early and mid October we spent planning outfits and learning the streets. Reading online reviews and paying off accommodation and flights. Late october into
November, we travelling to Bali. Spent 10 blissful days filled with sun, laughter and Bintang. I travelled in a group of 11 of us and no words will ever be able to describe how I came back feeling. If I had to chose one word, it would be "Whole". The rest of November I spent getting back into the groove of work. Knuckling down and preparing for the December.
December. It feels like just yesterday that I was celebrating my 21st Birthday. It felt like last week I was running busy errands for my late cousin. It feels like last month, I was in Samoa laying in the sitting room with my grandma.
Even with these summaries of my months, nothing can ever explain the feelings that I felt in each moments. I made friends, lost friends. I have experienced things with people that I did not expect to. Some friendships began to blossom whilst others withered away. Among all this change and the chaos that goes on in my life, the only thing to remain the same, is God. I sit here as a testimony of God's power. Even when I think that i have reached the max of God's love, he continues to set out 12 months for me to grow, to learn, and to love.
2019 has been a life changing year for me. And it makes more excited to see what God has install for me next year!
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