2020
XX/XXTWENTY TWENTYWritten and Published by - Lydia Rees
Like every other year, another comes to an end and I’d like to think that I am a little bit wiser than the last. I know how silly and obvious it sounds but I am always shocked when I write these EOY blogs because the previous year, I thought I knew everything there was to know about. *mind blown moment*
TALOFA my hunnies and welcome to the last blog post for 2020, the recap. As always, sit down, relax, grab a cuppa or a snack... and join me.
2020 was the year that undoubtedly shook the entire nation. For the past 22 years that I have been alive, I have never witnessed or been directly affected by a pandemic, it was something we only learnt about in high school text books yanno. COVID 19 (coronavirus) , as we all know, took the reins over many months. It consisted of international border closures, state border closures, gathering restrictions, social bloody distancing, unemployment skyrocketing, hundreds and thousands of people forced to stay home, others to quarantine and self isolate. The whole situation ripples so that even today, we can see and feel the effects it had on our nations.
Whilst this may seem all doom and gloom, 2020 is the year that planet earth finally caught some sort of break. Forcing the international human population to stay indoors had given our environment a chance to heal; the global air pollution dropping dramatically across the whole world, canals in Venice run clear after 60 years, Himalayan peaks became viewable from India after 30 long years. So cheers covid for telling the humans to hold their breaths, whilst planet earth takes one.
Listen, I would love to ramble on about the effects COVID had on the environment but I am notorious for oversharing things about myself, so let's stick to that routine.
A career journey that began in April 2019 had also come to an end in September 2020; I had bid farewells with my year and a half home in Bathurst and moved back to Sydney, where my heart always was. I am a very emotional person and so leaving the first place I finally got to call my own, was nothing short of terrifying. I managed to build a life for myself within those four walls. Those four bloody walls. Those walls could tell you how much growth I got to experience in such short period of time. The laughter that filled my living room, the tears that were quietly shed. The guests that I welcomed. The guests that departed. There is no doubt in my mind that future Lydia will be grateful to have experienced what I did in Bathurst. Yeehaw and farewell to the Durham residence !
I was also reminded of how to be connected with my loved ones, without having to see them every single day. COVID made it almost impossible for families to be together due to border closures and restrictions. Friends that I used to spend every day with, I now only saw once a week or sometimes once a fortnight. And yet, I was completely okay. For me, as long as they were healthy and mentally in a safe space, I wasn’t concerned with the regularity of catch ups. Everyone has at least one of my social media’s or my number, so if they did have any concern about our ‘friendship’ or my well-being in general, the opportunity was always there. No more jumping over bridges for people who’d rather stay seated by the river.
And now onto the portion of my life that I went back and forth on in deciding whether I should post or not. I break down my own privacy walls in hopes that my experiences will strengthen someone else. So here goes...
I entered this year confident that I knew everything there was to know about relationships, but my oh my was I wrong. 2020 allowed me to see other sides to people, ones that could not have been revealed if it weren't for the effects of COVID. I most definitely didn’t allow myself to commit to a relationship so for now, we’ll call it an entanglement. Whilst everyone hid away in their homes from this pandemic, I confidently walked public streets and beach shores, hand in hand, with a stranger that I never thought I’d be involved with. I sat in the backseat of my car, engaged in deep conversation with some new and many old faces, discussing all matters of life. I still have text message threads that would not exist if we were not bored out of our minds due to isolation. This year, hand in hand with entanglements, I blossomed in the public streets because no one we knew was there to judge us. I became the main character in my favourite love story and it is one heck of a chapter.
What a journey it was. Just over a year of one person, so free yet so secret. He taught me to enjoy life no matter the cards we are dealt ; to embrace every single moment as they just might be our last. He’s shown me how to come out on top no matter how everyone else perceives you. He unknowingly renewed the confidence in me that I buried so very long ago and would always remind me of how proud I should be, to be exactly who I am, flaws, imperfections and all. A year of generous affection, right through the chaos of a pandemic, a year of love, without the need for possession. The unpredictability is what made this a once in a life time experience, so each embrace, each hand hold, each moment became further from our first, but more than likely our last.
But I still smile at the things we got up to... Because in this lifetime, we were never meant to be Romeo & Juliet, Noah & Allie or even Bonnie & Clyde, just 2 wondering souls intertwined for a moment. There is no expectations for a text or call, no desires to linger in his presence, no cravings for his attention or affection, just taking each moment as it comes. Although our ties have not been completely severed, I can feel the end of our story nearing. Our story will forever be invisibly etched in the subtle twinkle of the stars we watched from many beach shores, in the restaurant tables we laughed over far away from our home town, in many many empty car parks overlooking the ocean through foggy windows, in car rides with no destination on long stretches of highways. I see him. I see him in the brightest star beaming in the night sky. I see him in oddly shaped trees. I see him in memes that we would both find funny. Backstreets, the long way home, Christmas light watching, new towns and unfamiliar faces became apart of our story. Our story, one that only he and I share the immaculate details to. My favourite story so far. Not a season more, not a minute less, just living for the present. It’ll always be D&L, til the firstlight.
2020 has taught me to love. Like, really really love... Or should I say, has upgraded my level of understanding when it comes to love. To only love, without the need for possession. You are not mine and I am not yours to keep... just to love. To love without expectation. To love without explanation. To love without public approval. To love freely. To love without title or label. To love as much as we can in that moment, for tomorrow is never promised. I move through days with out any expectation of affirmation or affection. I chose to cherish the love I received that day, and to be grateful with that alone. I pity thee who does not get to experience this type of unselfish connection at least once in their lifetime. This generation has considered love to be something only found in a labelled, public relationship when in fact, it’s always around us if you look close enough.
With my family and friends, I found appreciation for moments that would pass as ‘just another night’ from an outsiders perspective. It wasn’t the lowly dimmed lights, folded napkins and soft Italian music in expensive restaurants that I felt most loved. No. It wasn’t in a room full of white collar workers with limited edition wrist watches, did I feel most loved. No. It wasn’t even in the moments where I rode in luxury cars or received pricey gifts. No. Not even in new shoes or new clothing did I feel most loved. No. Not any of these places held my heart. But do you wanna know what did?
It was the 3am phone calls from friends who felt like I was ‘feeling a little off’ lately. It was the last minute 12am decisions to drive to our local kebab joint and share a family pizza with my brothers. It was the heart to heart conversation with my mum in the car, on our way to do grocery shopping. It was onstage, in the middle of worship. It was standing next to hospital beds or sick beds, delivering hampers. It was park visits with my baby cousins. It was the impromptu decision to catch the sunrise from the beach at earliest hours of the morning. Love dwelled within the people that have surrounded me. 2020 will be snapped and framed as the year that I finally let my heart out to walk the streets. fuck anyone else’s opinion. I spent so many years looking for a love that was sitting in front of me the whole time. Did I get hurt, hahaha a few times, but did I come out wiser and stronger?... surely did baby! I no longer seek validation or desire appreciation, no, just happiness. I do not know what tomorrow may bring, let alone, next year; but what I do know is that today, I am happy. Whatever tomorrow brings, it will not change the fact that I was content with my life today.
This year I set my spirit free. Relieved myself of any guilt. Began celebrating my little achievements. Forgave those who did wrong by me. Blessed those who speak ill of me. Dedicated time to creating my happiness as opposed to trying to find it in others. Regathered confidence in myself to fix my let downs. And then... only then, did my spirit become free from its 22 year long bondage.
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When the world goes back to normal and people are finally reunited with their loved ones... embrace them. Savour each second of being in their presence. Share the hugs. Laugh out loud. Oh and Travel. See new places, meet new people. Drive out of your home town, dive into exploring new cultures. Don’t ever ever ever take any more moments for granted, because this year, we were quickly reminded of how much these things mean to us. May those who passed away this year, rest in eternal peace.
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Congratulations to all the new babies of 2020.
Congratulations to those who celebrated a milestone birthday or graduated secondary school.
Congratulations to the newly weds of this year.
Congratulations to those in new relationships.
Congratulations to you.
If you are reading this, no matter what our relationship may be like, I’m grateful for you. I’m grateful that you are still alive. You are loved and appreciated by many.
I wish you all a Merry Christmas and a prosperous year to come.
All my love
Princess
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