2022 - Chapter One
MMXXII
Written & Published By Lydia Rees
Talofa Lava my loves!
Welcome to Lydia's annual recap on life and honestly, a sad excuse to rant. I appreciate you being here!
Since this is one of my safe spaces, I wanted to be open up being completely transparent. Most years its a breeze to get through these blogs. But this year I really struggled to find the motivation. Normally I would be beaming with ideas and already finished by mid-october but not this time. You see, my notes are flooded with small captures of emotion through the year, things that I wanted to include in this blog but it drained me to even think about putting it all together. Part of me felt like others weren’t deserving of such a vulnerable side to me, but I am reminded of why I write these.
To hold myself accountable and a way to measure my growth. If it happens to motivate, inspire or encourage anyone else, I am grateful!
As always, sit back, relax, and hold hands with me as we run through my year.
________________
Our story finally pieces together on the twelfth month of 2022.
The most wonderful time of the year once again takes centre stage. Of course if you know me, you already know that Michael Bublé and aunty Mariah Carey are currently serenading the speakers in the hotel lobby. "Christmas Classics" is now a frequent search in my YouTube browser which can only mean one thing...
Que Lydia's annual life update blog!
Another twelve months of life experience under the belt and sheesh, just when you think you've known and seen it all, life does its due diligence and humbles you in every way possible.
Join me across 3 days as we venture through 4 chapters of love, loss, pride and recognition.
We visit the events of an ever changing family structure and then we shed some light on our emotions, so chapter 2 is flooded with feel-goodness. We take a moment to pay brief homage to our homelands & the boys that carried our nation to and through the Rugby World Cup. And lastly, like extra pe’epe’e on your faalifu fa’i, we revisit last years most requested topic of "the boy that revived a stone cold heart", the follow up edition of course.
________________________________________________________________
Chapter 1: Puzzle Pieces
After the unfolding of my own family drama in 2021, everyone had finally seen the honest struggle behind our strength. We approached the gates of 2022 with a brother behind bars, a father living away in his own home, and a mother in a completely different country. No one has ever looked at my family in general and thought "oh I envy their family" or "I aspire to have a family like that one day" and that is okay with me. However, I hope that when they do set eyes onto my siblings and I, they see strong, independent young(ish) adults who were able to take adulthood into their own hands.
~Andrew, Archie, Domingo, Jeremiah~
My remaining brothers and I navigated through life surviving off lectures that were preached to us as children. Some how through the chaos of life, we were always able to stand on our own two feet. Supported ourselves, ran our own household, planned and followed through with endless events ourselves. Upheld our parents duties within the church as best as we could. Turns out adulthood is much more than just working and paying rent. Its endless bills and car registrations, its transferring electricity gas and water bills, its making ends meet when your pockets already have holes, its maintaining an active social life and all whilst trying to keep emotions in check.
Nevertheless, I am so proud.
Not only of myself, but of the boys (really they're men) that I share a home with. The āuli and pae of the family was sticking loyal to her role, ironing cultural outfits for each sibling every Sunday morning. An older brother remained faithful in setting a good example for those that came after. Younger brothers who not only maintained our home while we were at work, but also carried the burden of entering adulthood without our parents. We catered to and accommodated family members who were over every Sunday afternoon for tona'i. Between cars breaking down and the Wi-Fi bill always being paid late, by the grace of God, we approach the new year continuing to be the best unit we can be.
~mum & dad~
My father and I have a healthier relationship. After years of heartache which stemmed from a toxic home environment, my brothers & I finally reap the rewards of the seeds we planted those many years ago. He understands and respects the boundaries we have set for our household, something that has never been done in the past. Through the thickest of thick, he has taught me this; when adversary strikes, you can either let it consume you, or you can learn and grow from it. Its so easy to nit pick all the bad things he has done but I (we) choose to also remember every single good thing he has done for us.
Whether that be plucking plums of a tree to feed me at my tender age of 2, or driving out to where ever I was stranded just to jump start my car. This past year I have watched this man transform from a father, to a dad.
As for my mother, although we were oceans apart, that distance was easily closed by facetimes. I am the woman I am today because of the example that she has set for me. The shoes I step into, I am still yet to fill but am entirely grateful to still be able to live and learn beside her. I see her when I see myself, I posses her fiery soul and undying commitment to family.
From afar, I sit and observe the relationship between my parents; each passing day, it gets a little better. And to think that they were the exact reason I hated the idea of marriage. You see, growing up, I used to watch them argue over the smallest things. Hurtful words being thrown around, fire & rain between two hard headed people. There would be times where I would spend nights with my mum sleeping in the car away from home. I would to watch both my parents cry in disagreement of each other, so yeah, I grew incredibly scared of marriage.
But I understand now.
That love is not just a feeling but a commitment. Its a choice. To keep choosing this person you love again and again. To keep on fighting. I understand now, and although marriage still scares the life out of me, for once, I'm actually taking it into consideration. *insert eyes emoji*
~puzzle pieces~
On the 6th of November, I was in the car with my partner when I received a text from Peter telling me that my dad had flown my mum and grandma in from Samoa. In a split second our laughter filled conversation turned into me sitting there silently with watery eyes. I still don't know exactly why I cried but alot of it had to do with finally letting go of the brave face in my family structure. The dragon was home. Missing pieces of our family puzzle were finally piecing together. My partner instantly drives me home at midnight, and I see my beautiful grandma still dressed in her 'airport puletasi', her red feather sei still attached to her hair. My parents seated at the kitchen dining room table, separating taro from ulu and koko from luau.
My heart is full and my heart is whole.
~thoughts & thoughts~
When I allow my mind to wander, I often find myself thinking about my parents and what a journey it was for them to learn the ropes of parenting. Karina & Roberts were only 19 & 21 when they became parents! I know its not as young as I make it sound but put it his way; at 19 I was still sneak smoking half cigarettes at the local park and at 21, I was barely employed yet invested all my time maintaining a social life !
I think about the different versions of parents that each of me and my siblings had, with each child, growing a little bit wiser. New skills and parenting methods being learnt. I recognise aswell their efforts to raise the children a little better than how they were raised. Through all the hardship that we were exposed to as children, I do not resent my parents in any way. They did the absolute best they could with the resources available to them. Me and my siblings get to live in a country with a somewhat decent economy, having access to relatively free health care, in a land full of opportunities thanks to my parents. A contrasting lifestyle to their own as children. Little or big, it has always been us. Always the outsiders, the new people, but there is no other team that I would choose for myself. This team right here!
I am grateful for this big cycle of learning and breaking 'generational curses'. I realise now, that parenting in general, is the biggest puzzle to solve.
~final words~
My love goes out to those who have watched over my siblings and I while our parents were away. I owe you the shirt off my very own back for meals, for conversations, for monetary gifts, for opening your homes to us and above all, for your prayers. To my partners late mother, thank you for thinking of me each time you visited the material shop, thank you for meals and your honest hospitality. Watch over us as we try and navigate our way through adulthood.
This year I prayed for God to open my eyes and he revealed to me the true meaning of family and friendship. You know who you are, and my prayer is that God blesses you and your families ten-fold.
Congratulations to those who have become parents in the past year! Trust me, you got this. We have a world full of experiences and resources at our fingertips! Congratulations to those who have had additions to their tribe. To those that have lost a little love before they had the chance to open their eyes, may God comfort you. My only advice is, as much as it hurts, please try to trust God. Although he has taken, he has the almighty power to bless again
The awful passing's this year has made me appreciate life significantly more. This is a tender reminder for both you and me; Hold your loved ones close this season. Hold them close for all the season to come. Your parents and life in general are so precious, dwell in the moments, before they become memories!
all my love,
Lydia.
><><><><><><
Well well well, chapter 1 is finally out of the way!
Thank you for joining me!
The next release will be a combination of Chapter 2 & 3, to be released on the 1st of January 2022! In chapters 2 & 3, honestly I go on a tangent about being connected to your emotions. I speak a little on allowing yourself to feel each emotion deeply and appreciating the little pleasures of life. Then we finish off with a tribute to our nation 685!
Love Bestfriend 🤍
ReplyDelete